Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Bums of Hollywood Boulevard, I Salute You

Lessons learned from people I come across as I walk to work on Hollywood Blvd. Part I...

TEACHER: Pimp Working the Coffee Shop

You are the man, with your high-tech phone earpiece, your snazzy suit, and your oversize sunglasses. You see a beautiful young lady and holla out to her “What’s your name, girl?” Then you lay a sloppy kiss on her hand as she looks on horrified and give her your business card, assuring her that, “Shoot, I can get you work, baby.” When she tries to back away, a creeped-out look on her face, you hold the door open for her. You’re so smooth, just like a real Hollywood agent. Except, for whores.

LESSON: Chivalry is back!


TEACHER: Girl Playing Guitar on the Sidewalk for Tips

As I walk past, I peer down at the guitar case in front of you to see how much money you’ve earned. When I look up smiling, you flip me the bird, because you’re punk like that. You don’t need my fucking money, man! Or maybe you’re asking me to pull your finger. I don’t know.

LESSON: Girls are mean.

Yes, that is a lovely shade of nail polish. Why do you ask?...Oh.


At 8:54 AM, August 23, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Eep! Girls ARE mean...why did she have to be so MEAN?! ::cries::



At 8:51 AM, August 24, 2005, Anonymous Nel Pastel said...

And yet, it's like that "Seinfeld" episode: "She just hates me so much ... it's irresistable."

I'm with you on the buggy-eyed folks. What is it about them that makes MY eyes water? Stop it, Buggy-Eyes, stop it!! God, I can hear them squishing from here.

At 2:31 PM, August 24, 2005, Blogger Vampos Vulgar said...

If someone with big, googly eyes came up to you and mumbled, "Shafrash shafrash shaz. Hafaz?" would you give them money?

I think not.

Unless of course it was a muppet.


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