Thursday, July 28, 2005

Turkey-Cock?

Some interesting things I’ve learned recently:

1.) There is no cure for malaria.

Malaria, like true love, is for life. Symptoms include fever, chills, and weight loss, and can come back again and again throughout your life. A friend who caught the parasite from a mosquito bite in Africa is looking mighty gaunt recently and suspects he’s relapsing.

It’s only a matter of time before Hollywood starlets start intentionally injecting it into themselves, much as they do with Botox, which is derived from a POISON used in biological warfare.

An embarrassing aside: For some reason, I always associated malaria with diarrhea.


“Lyndsay Lohan? Yeah, I’m her personal trainer.”




2.) Turkey-Cock

This term caught my eye while looking something up in the dictionary. According to Webster’s, it’s either a male turkey, or a strutting pompous person.

I must admit, that’s not at all where I thought it was going. Huh.


"Quit ogling my barrel. And keep your filthy thoughts to yourself”




3.) Cod sperm—you’re soaking in it…

“Maritex, among the world's largest producers of cod liver oil, said it aimed to produce seven tons of processed cod sperm…for the international makeup market.”

Something in the fish semen helps keep skin taut and young. Allegedly.

It’s also used in chocolate, medicines, and breast milk substitutes.

Frank Hansen, a biotech engineer at Maritex, claims, “It neither smells nor tastes of anything,”

Uh-huh, you know how long men have been trying that line? It never works.


A good Samaritan volunteers his services.

5 Comments:

At 10:59 AM, August 01, 2005, Anonymous Rodney Lichtenstien said...

Dearest Vampos,

This is completely unrelated, but you simply MUST watch The Office with me this week. I'll bring it home on Tuesday. Sound like a plan, sir?

Take care sonny,

Bob

 
At 11:04 AM, August 01, 2005, Blogger Vampos Vulgar said...

It's a heterosexual date, sir!

 
At 1:35 PM, August 04, 2005, Anonymous Nel Pastel said...

Phew! And here I was beginning to worry you were getting away from the sexual organ-and-body-fluid talk. It's really not cool to scare people like that, man.

So hurry up and post something so I can respond! Oh ... uh ... hmm ...

By the way, the Angriest News Bunny asked me to tell you, "Bite me."

 
At 2:21 PM, August 04, 2005, Blogger Vampos Vulgar said...

Hey Mr. Pastel (or Nel, because we're close like that), glad to have you on here. Finally!

Pat the Bitter News Bunny's head for me. And tell her I said, "You're mini, ha-haw!"

By the way, now that I know you're reading this, you've ruined my next blog entry, about how I still haven't sent your Christmas present.

Hope you're happy--you ruined Christmas.

 
At 3:29 PM, August 04, 2005, Anonymous nel pastel said...

Hey, it took us, what, nine months to send your Christmas present that one year? I say bring it on.

Besides, I'm curious to see what lame-ass excuses you come up with.

 

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