Thursday, July 21, 2005

You Died For Nothing, Stupid Bee!


I assume it was a killer bee because it stung me for no reason whatsoever. I go to open the door to my office building and—KA-STING!—it gets me right in the palm of my right hand. I never even saw the little bitch come at me. (Bees are girls, right? I can call them bitches?)

Hey, you furry fucking Hollywood bee, I didn’t attack your beehive, did I? No I did not.

I didn’t walk up to you and knock the pollen out of your filthy bee mouth, did I?

Last I checked, there are no flower fields on Hollywood Blvd., so it’s not like I’m all up in your place of employment making your life that much harder. Like you did to me!

Goddamn that pisses me off—unprovoked bee assault!

I know what you were thinking, bee, “If he’s allergic to beestings, his ass is mine. At the very least I’ll take out his writing hand. Fuck’s sake, I am the evil incarnate of the insect world. If I was a boy bee, I would have an erection, I’m so hot for evil, yeah, yeah, yeah! I’m going in!”

But guess what, bee? My hand’s not swelling up. That’s right, I’m not allergic to bee stings you fat little Nazi honey-sucker.


And now, in the final, agonizing moments of your short, destructive life, take this thought with you as your cross over into the Great Unknown: You failed, and your death meant nothing.

Suck it, bee.

(Above) Source of the Holocaust.


At 9:17 AM, July 23, 2005, Anonymous The Rod said...

These bees you speak of....they are dangerous, no?

At 10:59 PM, July 24, 2005, Blogger Vampos Vulgar said...

No, Rod, they're cute and cuddly bunny bees...

That STAB you in the hand for no reason!

Yes, they're dangerous. They are evil Hollywood insects that wish to gain erections at the expense of my pain and suffering.

Come to think of it, that could apply to all sorts of creatures you find in Hollywood.

At 12:42 AM, July 25, 2005, Blogger writergurl said...

Ummm, hate to tell ya, there was no erection from the bee that bit ya... worker bees (the ones that fly from one flower to another) are sterile female bees. SO... she was definitely a bitch. But, not one with a high hard one for ya.

At 1:15 AM, July 25, 2005, Blogger Vampos Vulgar said...

Obviously, I meant metaphoric bee wing-wang.

But thank you, Gurl, for the helpful input (I knew that bitch was a bitch!).

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